Julie's Household Hints

(Editor's note: I was going to re-draft the spacing, capitalisation etc on this - but Julie is writing the way she sometimes talks during periods of stress, so I thought it best to publish it in its original form! Thank you for keeping my blog alive, Julie - you shall be rewarded with fizzy pop!)

 handy household hints for the woman about town who can't stop men
disappearing to cork and needs to fix those tricky household problems
plumbing in a washing machineinvite your dad to stay.  show him washing
machine.  look sad but tentatively hopeful.  leave the room. plumbing in
a dishwasherinvite ten friends round for dinner.  get them drunk.  feed
them curry.  mention dishwasher and regret that platonic erik isn't there
to plumb in dishwasher, as he's with his girlfriend, who is actually a
lovely person.  watch as big brother ken and, bizarrely, mr f-w also,
plumb it in.  gentle readers will wish to note that this was before mr
f-w disappeared, that he forgot to switch on the water, which is
apparently very, very bad, and that, really, ken did all the work while
mr f-w gazed at me in that
messed-up-childhood-commitment-phobic-world-traveller way. putting up
curtainsinvite friend round for dinner.  mention curtain poles.  smile
winningly.  drink wine and make comments about how important it is to
have supportive friends.  hold other end to help out.  hold spirit level
in middle.  help with the screwing - ask becky if unsure about this part.
making a door smallernow, i haven't actually found anyone to do this, but
louise, my friendly neighbour, says that you get a hacksaw to take off
the wee metal bit at the side, then rub the door vigorously and
determinedly over some strong sandpaper.  this apparently makes the door
smaller.  ken disagrees with this and is refusing to lend me his
hacksaw.  i'm not even sure what a hacksaw is.  ken says i need to rehang
the door and should get erik to do it for me.  but then, erik is with the
new girlfriend.  grateful for handy hints from blog readers on this one,
to be honest. building a wardrobe from a flat packplatonic erik has
promised to do this, but see above for possible problem.  for any blog
readers that are interested in putting flat pack wardrobes together (with
apparently optional mirrors if you can believe the description) i live
right in the centre of dublin, which apparently ranks higher than london
as a place to live, and will happily put readers up for a weekend, buy
them a drink of their choice and cook for them.  telephone banking,
credit card bills and forward planningdon't ever put these together!!!
three weeks ago, it made perfect sense to arrange for €1,000 to leave my
account today to pay some of my credit card bill.  today, when i'm flying
to vienna tomorrow, and have just discovered i have no money in my
account, it seems like a foolish, foolish idea.  i'm wondering if i
should take the hacksaw (what is it?  what does one look like) to my
credit card and phone instead.  update on mr f-wmr f-w is apparently in
cork.  ken rang him the other day and he explained his whereabouts, said
that he had meant to ring him and that he "had to/should/meant to call
julie as well" (ken didn't remember his exact wording and i'm not sure
which is worse, so have included all of them for analysis).  so that's
all ok then. i'm like that filing you always mean to do, or the spring
clean, or the visit you always mean to make to your dentist, or, indeed,
that flat-pack wardrobe you mean to get someone to put together.  i'm
like diy!!  my god!!