View from our balcony in Gryon 

Alpha Cow and the Papal Six Pack 

Ryan Behind Bars 

My Boys on walk to Staldenried 

On Holiday With My Boys

We have been back from Switzerland for some time now, but I've been too busy to blog. Had 5 days away, spreading our love between Gryon, Riedji and Seyselle (in France). The hostel in Gryon was not very hostel-like at all, but was a huge chalet with a couple of dorm rooms (for Lauri and Ryan and a strange selection of other travellers) and private rooms (James and I had our own en-suite room with balcony - and, as luck would have it, paper-thin walls!). We spent our time walking (in the rain), cooking and eating fondue and drinking vast quantities of gin and port (much to the bemusement of the other people in the hostel who couldn't afford anything more than the beer commonly known as Swiss Piss).

We were joined at the chalet by Virginia - who spent her evening fielding medical and narcotic questions from James - and Carrie - whom we simply forced to drink vast quantities of red wine. Hangovers all round. And lots of walks in the rain. Again.

Highlights of the holiday:

- Ryan having to listen to two of his room-mates rather pathetically attempting to have sex at 3 am (her: "You can't just take my hand and put it on your cock. You have to get me horny first"... oh dear!)

- Stripping the chalet of its entire supply of gin - we stayed 2 days and left three empty bottles behind. Most of the glory must go to Ryan, who took his gin-drinking responsibilities so seriously he started knocking it back at breakfast.

- Watching from our balcony in Gryon at the antics of various males at the hostel trying to impress the females with wood-chopping and fire-building skills. We half expected The Finn to run off with his elk rifle in order to provide meat! Such manly men.

- The dessert trolley in Seyselle. Lauri won the "who can eat the most portions of pudding" competition: he had 4.

- Spending so much time with My Boys and My Dreamy New Boyfriend. We all made it back alive and are still on talking terms! James also managed to find a cure for my fear of flying, which I won't reveal on here as it may breach blogspot's decency regulations!

Ryan and His Amazing Exotic Fruit 

Ryan and His Amazing Pi-neapple

What are the chances of a pineapple weighing 3.14159265358979323846 lb? Well, last week Ryan managed to discover a fruit that is both pi AND a pineapple. This could completely change the course of his PhD - who needs complex wavelets when you have extremely clever exotic fruit?

Being 34...

... has been fantastic so far!

I spent the day before my birthday in London with James and Ryan, making full use of the reciprocal agreements that their new club (the Oxford and Cambridge Club, dahlings) has with other clubs in London. We visited the Reform Club (full of old men about to pop their clogs), the Royal Automobile Club (5 star hotel) and the East India Club (full of old Etonians - and, worst of all, I wasn't allowed in the bar but was directed instead to the Drawing Room to consume my alcohol!). James and I stayed over in London to ensure the best possible start to my birthday.

And now I'm off to Switzerland, land of opportunity and cheese!

For Nicole!

A few more Ryan photos for you. He is a man of many disguises...

How do you like me now? 

Yasser 

Dog - Cuffed! 

Things and Stuff

I went to work on Saturday, fully expecting a telling off from Chris for having booked my holiday to Canada without even thinking of asking for the time off, only to discover that he had been instantly dismissed the day before! So no more Chris. And it looks like Lazy Mike will be in charge for the time being and we will all be working in a much happier environment! Maybe work won't suck quite so much from now on.

I now have two holidays to look forward to: Switzerland 18-23 August with My Boys (Gryon followed by chalet followed by Pierre's wondrous restaurant in Seysell), and Canada in mid-September with my Ickle Sister. The day after I booked my Switzerland trip, Ernie decided to smile on me and give me premium bond wins that covered the cost of the flights and hotel - hurrah! Now all I need is a win next month to cover the Canada trip (which is bound to become increasingly expensive as I think of more and more trips I want to do while I'm there - so far, we're going to Toronto, Niagara and Muskoka - and Ryan is taking me home to introduce me to his parents!!).

Wolfson College remains as quiet as a quiet place that has just won first place in a quiet place competition. But I'm loving being here over the summer, especially now all my friends are back. I must remember to read some books at some stage...

Meet the Parents

James very bravely came back to Suffolk with me to Face the Family (they no longer think he is gay). We had a lovely day at the beach on Thursday with Meg and the kids - despite the rather dodgy weather we still managed a swim in the sea and James played an important role in helping the children to collect buckets of crabs (which got fed on bacon and then released back into the sea at the end of the day - not a bad life!).

Thursday evening was my Honorary Birthday Dinner and was a typical Williams family birthday meal. Highlights included:

- Mum's revelation that, with the help of a family friend, she destroyed my 'criminal record' before I joined the Foreign Office;

- Meg's revelation that Mark did the same thing with his ABH charge. Mum knew nothing about this aspect of her son-in-law's past ("What ABH charge?") and the revelation led to repeated questions from Robert (10): "What's ABH, daddy?";

- At both revelations, Sophie managed to either choke on her wine or laugh so hard it came out of her nose;

- Mum chastising James for not drinking fast enough, at which point he downed a full glass of wine, much to the amazement of Sam (8) who was sat opposite, with a big grin on his face, saying "Do it again, do it again!!!";

- Mum realising she probably should not have been drinking alcohol, given the incredibly strong pain-killers she was on.

- Mum saying to Megan as she was leaving "Please stay over next time. I like you when you're drunk!"

James and I had to retreat to the beach hut shed in the garden to have a nightcap and ponder the meaning of life. But he survived the evening, and, perhaps more worryingly, seemed to fit right in!!

What I've Been Up To

1. Have been reunited with my lovely lover. Am taking him home to meet the parents this afternoon. He has met them before but that was when I told them he was gay (so as to avoid any awkward questions), something I fear may backfire on me now!

2. We had a lovely excursion to see Ryan's Special Place, which turns out to be a mini railway, complete with little station and railway bridge, signals etc just two minutes from our doorstep (and not, as we had feared, a ravine where he hides the bodies of dead hookers).

3. Still wowing the retail world with my selling skills, asking myself at the end of the day "What have I done today that makes me feel proud?". We confronted Chris about his motivational talks and their ability to completely de-motivate us. He was genuinely hurt. I asked him if he had ever found such things motivational himself and he said yes - apparently, when he worked for the Holiday Inn they did a motivational training day and learnt to fly without wings. I kid ye not.