Some Pics from Nicki's Wedding

Here are a few pics from the wedding, in no particular order! Congratulations, Nicki!

Pass the sick-bag please!

We received our wedding pack from the Registry Office today. It contained a booklet of suggested readings for the wedding ceremony, which is the funniest thing I have read in ages. We sat in bed reading the poems and pissing ourselves laughing. Here is an example (and I'm REALLY hoping no-one who reads this has had this particular reading at their own wedding!!):

TOGETHERNESS

We'll walk together through the world today,
While dreams and songs and flowers bless our way,
I'll look into your eyes and hold your hand,
We'll walk together through the golden land.

We'll walk together through the world tonight
Beneath the starry skies ablaze with light,
And in your heart love's tender words I'll hide
We'll walk together through the eventide

We'll walk together through the passing years
Through days of cloud and sunshine, joy and tears,
and when the great call comes, the sunset gleams,
We'll walk together to the land of dreams.

We were thinking how great it would be to ask one of our friends to do a reading for us and then springing something like this on them on the day! Funnier still if we made them read one of the numerous poems with typos in (eg, "You find someone/who lives you for who you are, and not who you could be..").

James is now trying to adapt Satan's speech from Milton's Paradise Lost, so we can have that as a reading instead. It's far better than anything else in this booklet, believe me!

Property Portfolio

Sophie is going to buy a shiny new house. And James and I are buying part of it with her (as are Mum and Dad): you know, kind of like silent partners. But I don't think James is going to be very silent in his partnership. He has already decided that he is going to keep prawns' heads in his portion of the house. The next priority will then be for James to increase his stake by gradually taking over my parents' portion too. He is proposing an Anschluss of the parental territories, the erection of a "security barrier" and the installation of wasp settlements in disputed territory for the twin purpose of discouraging Sophie habitation and establishing James's "facts on the ceiling" regarding his right of occupation. Having thus annexed parental territories and come closer to a controlling stake, his next mission is to encourage Sophie to surrender increasing portions of her own share. This will be facilitated by encouraging Sophie to develop a debilitating drug dependency, namely through the gradual introduction of large quantities of generously-provided cups of tea, necessitating in her drug-fuelled haze increasing stakes in the house being traded off in return for a nice cuppa (come to think of it, he probably won't even need to lace the tea with crack cocaine). Thus having secured the magical 51% controlling stake, Sophie will be promptly cast out into the garden to fend for herself in the cruel elements, growing increasingly dishevelled hair, raising a family of turnips and baking mud for her daily meals (whilst still remembering to maintain the ditch at the end of the garden, as stipulated on her contract). I am most pleased (allegedly) as I thought home ownership was beyond my medium-term grasp. James has proved with a little machination even the most modest of contributions can result in my entrance on to the property ladder.

My legs are weak, my eyes are old and bent...

I'm now 35. How on earth did that happen? Honestly, you turn your back for five minutes and all of a sudden you're thirty-bloody-five! I want my money back! I know my rights! I demand a refund!

But, being 35 has been pretty good so far. I spent the first minutes of my birthday in a pleasantly merry state on my way back from the Red Bull (where we had been for the Bogan Girl Challenge, which involved Virginia downing 4 pints of Wife-Beater followed by a kebab) before coming home and passing out unconscious (I'm an old lady now, can't handle my booze). James has been treating me like a princess all day - yes, like a hungover Princess who drinks copious amounts of tea. At the last glance, there were 5 empty mugs on my bedside table. You see, I spent most of the morning in bed, drinking the aforementioned tea, eating chocolate and watching The Simpsons. Then I got taken out for sushi. James bought me some shiny new shoes and a hamper of love and he made me a sparkley birthday card with lots of glitter on it. I think he is terrific. I don't mind being 35 when I've got a James to play with.

A scary thought

I'm starting to panic about how little time I have left of my undergraduate years. The first two years have flown by in the blink of an eye and I've no reason to believe the next year will pass any slower. It's a very scary thought, because I don't want it to end, and the more I enjoy it the quicker time seems to pass.

New Academic Year Resolutions:

1. Do some academic work (just for the novelty), see what it's like, see if it pays off! This means I will actually read some books instead of relying on Sparknotes.com for my critical insights! We can but hope...
2. Join running club, run for the university (easily done in the third team at varsity, ironically named the Gazelles), attend accompanying social events (hic!), take full advantage of guaranteed marathon places (allocated by ballot, not by running ability - go me!)
3. Join rifle club or some such under-subscribed association in order to stand a chance of getting a half blue (although, upon reflection, probably not with my appalling aim!).
4. Have tap dancing lessons (at James's insistence - but if I'm going down, I'm dragging Bogan Girl with me, especially for the end of year show!!).
5. Go to more formal halls at different colleges: despite all my best intentions, I've only so far managed Trinity and Jesus: this year is the year of the Graduate Dining Society! I may end up porking out, but I'll be married by then so what the hell!

Talking of which, as if the panic over my time here is not enough, today I realised that it will be one calendar month tomorrow until our wedding. Eeeeeeek! Eeeeek! It's enough to drive a girl to gin!

A phone call from Mummy

So, here I was at home minding my own business when the phone rang. It was my mum. Conversation goes like this:

[bring bring, bring bring!]

Me: Hello?

Mum: Do you ever think about smashing plates instead of doing the washing up?

Me: Yes, quite often... [I'm interrupted by triumphant whoops from Megan and Sophie in the background]

Mum: You're weird, all three of you. I give up.


I think: what I find weird is that there are people out there who don't consider this a viable alternative to doing the washing up. No hope for some people.

The redcurrants are still haunting me!

Someone has just reached my blog through doing a google search on "how to eat redcurrants": my blog was right there on the front page. I feel my blog entry bemoaning the plethora of redcurrants at my father's allotment must have come as something of a disappointment, so I would like to make the following recommendations, in order of my own personal preference:

- mush them all up and make them into wine
- put them through a sieve and make them into redcurrant gin - mmmmm, gin!
- mix 'em with a load of other summer fruit (preferable including something nice like strawberries) and make them in to a summer pudding, or a hot crumble
- alternatively, and this is what I did as a final act of desperation, remove the netting from the redcurrant bushes and allow the birds to have a feast

There! My work here is done.

Those Lovely People at the Home Office

... have kindly given their permission for James and I to get married. So, it's really going ahead. 15 September. EEEEEEeeeeek!

Oh we do like to be beside the seaside!

Here are some photos of my lovely children. We had a wonderful day at Walberswick, part of Suffolk's heritage coastline and one of the truly pretty spots on this fair isle. The children have been trained to request any food treats through the medium of dance (probably only when they are with me): the day thus involved lots of elbow-waving and bottom wiggling, or as we call it, the chocolate cake dance!